Mysteries of the Mind
by the archduke
Summary: Sam's ankle monitoring bracelet does strange things to the chip in Freddie's head. And by extension, strange things to Freddie. Sam/Freddie.
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: I don't own anything.

A/N: New story! And it will be Sam/Freddie. Hope it's satisfactory.

"Mysteries of the Mind"

by: the archduke

"You really owe Principal Franklin, Sam. Like, if he ever needs a kidney, you'll be the first to offer one, sort of owe. We are talking some big time owing right here," Carly said while pouring two glasses of punch. She looked over to Sam who was lounging on the couch, feet propped up on the coffee table. Carly's eyes glanced at Sam's ankle then quickly looked away.

"Yeah, yeah," Sam responded with a negligent wave of her hand in Carly's direction. "He can have the left one. That one's never done anything for me anyway." She glared down at her midsection. "Stupid, lazy left kidney."

Carly walked over and handed Sam a glass while she sat next to her friend. She put her feet up next to Sam's and nudged Sam's ankle with her foot. "I don't think you can blame your left kidney for this mess. It's that evil brain of yours that always gets you into trouble."

Sam raised her leg in the air and shook her foot, the monitoring device on her ankle firmly staying in place. "Carly, you know how I get about unicycles. I couldn't just pass by and do nothing. I still say it was entrapment."

"First, you're using 'entrapment' wrong. You've got to lay off the 'Rules and Lawyers' reruns, it's a tv show, not a substitute for law school. Second, you should never try to set fire to a bunch of unicycles, especially when they belong to the Seattle police department's Cops 'n Clowns program. They were on you before you even lit the match. And third, use a coaster, you're leaving a ring on my coffee table." Carly lifted Sam's glass of punch and slid a square of cardboard under it, preventing any further defacement of her table.

Sam gave Carly a lazy look. "I will consider all of those suggestions for the future. But I make no promises, unicycles are the devil's favorite mode of transportation. It's in the Bible. Look it up."

"I seriously doubt that. Anyway, Principal Franklin really sweet talked that judge so that my house is one of the approved places you can be without setting off that thing," Carly said while again nudging the ankle monitoring device with her foot. "He must have a soft spot for you or you would've been kicked out of school a long time ago. Or he's the biggest iCarly fan in the world. Mandy better watch her back."

"Eh, Teddy's just a big softy. I'm pretty sure he's made my graduation his own personal mission. I'm a challenge, you know."

Carly widened her eyes in mock shock. "You? A challenge? No way!"

Sam couldn't help but smile. Only Carly could get away with making fun of her. "Shut it, Shay."

The girls were interrupted by the opening of Carly's front door. "Hello, ladies," Freddie called out as he entered the apartment. "Just came to see how the jailbird is doing. Or has she already broken her proba-"

Carly and Sam watched as Freddie cut himself off. Sam was about to say something about stupid nubs and their equally stupid jokes, but before she could say anything Freddie's eyes had glazed over and his mouth began moving without any sound coming from it. His entire body became rigid and unmoving, almost as if it had been frozen solid. The suddenness of Freddie's transformation from boy to inanimate object was startling.

"Freddie," Carly questioned, freaked out by Freddie's behavior. "Are you okay?" When Freddie failed to respond, Carly looked over at Sam. "This is not good. You think he's having a stroke or something?"

Sam shrugged. "I don't know. Maybe those tick baths finally pushed him over the edge. I've been waiting for him to snap for years."

Carly was too worried about Freddie to chastise Sam for her rude language. "I'm gonna go get Spencer. Hopefully he'll be done fixing the car in the studio by now. The fire wasn't that bad." Carly turned to Freddie and yelled slowly. "I'll be back in a minute, Freddie. Don't worry, I'm going to get Spencer." She hoped an increase in volume would free Freddie from his trance. It didn't.

Carly pointed a finger at Sam as she stood from the couch. "Don't do anything to him while I'm gone." When Sam looked as if she was about to protest, the finger began to waggle. "I mean it, Sam. Freddie better not look any different when I get back." Carly paused for a moment. "Or, he should be back to normal. That would be okay." After one last finger waggle, Carly ran up the stairs in search of Spencer.

As soon as Carly had turned onto the second flight of stairs leading up to the studio, Freddie began talking. Or rather, chanting. "Uno, dos, tres. Uno, dos, tres. Uno, dos, tres." He kept on repeating the Spanish words over and over again in a monotone, as if he were a recording that was on an infinite loop.

Sam got off the sofa and waved her hand in front of Freddie's face. No change. "Wow, Freddo. Now you're starting to freak me out."

Freddie's face suddenly twitched and he grabbed Sam by the shoulders. She tried to jump back from his abrupt movements but he held her still. "Ay dios mio," he said, confusing Sam before he wrapped his arms around her in a hug. A very tight hug.

"Dork!," Sam shouted, struggling to get out of Freddie's unusually strong grip. She was essentially immobile, her entire body engulfed by Freddie. He had pressed himself right up against her, his legs entwined with hers and his arms locked around her. When Freddie snuggled his face against her hair, Sam had enough. "Carly, if you're not down here in two seconds, I'm gonna kill the nub, crazy or not!" Sam heard the pitter patter of Shay feet as Carly and Spencer ran down the stairs.

Carly gaped as she saw the position Sam and Freddie were in. She felt Spencer pause behind her. "Yup," Spencer said. "There is definitely something wrong with Freddie."

"Thank you for stating the obvious," Sam sarcastically said to Spencer. "Now get him off of me!"

Carly and Spencer could see that Sam's thin supply of patience was gone, so they sprang into action. Spencer grabbed Freddie's shoulders from behind and Carly tried to pry his arms from around Sam's back, with no luck. "Spencer, switch places with me. I'd never thought I'd say this, but Freddie's too strong."

As Spencer and Carly switched places, Sam's struggling suddenly stopped. Her eyebrows lowered in confusion before she let out a scream of what only could be described as disgust. "That's it! One headbutt and this is over."

Carly brought her hand up to Sam's forehead and stopped her mid motion. "No! He's not himself and you'll break his nose!" As she struggled with Sam's head while at the same time pulling on Freddie's neck, probably choking him in the process, Carly yelled at Spencer. "Spencer, you're older and bigger than him! What's taking so long?!"

"One, more, second," Spencer grunted as he slowly separated Freddie's arms from around Sam. "Come on, Freddo, you're making me look bad here," he pleaded as he finally gave Sam enough room to slide out of Freddie's grip. "Yes! Success! Score one for Spencer Shay!"

Spencer's victory celebration was short lived, however, as Freddie made a move towards Sam, his arms outstretched and ready to wrap themselves around her again. Sam ran around the breakfast bar, never taking her eyes off of the advancing Freddie.

"Get him away from me, or I won't be responsible for what I do!" Sam shouted as she ran towards Carly. While she would have normally beaten him into a bloody mess for this kind of behavior, even she had to admit something was seriously wrong with the boy. At least, more wrong than usual by Freddie standards.

Spencer got a grip on Freddie from behind, holding him back while Carly and Sam moved towards the front door. "Maybe you two should get his mom," Spencer said, trying and failing to keep his voice from becoming breathless as he struggled against the determined boy. Spencer privately promised himself he would start working out the very next day. Or week. Or sometime soon. Really.

"Good idea," Carly said. She jumped back slightly as Freddie made a desperate lunge for Sam, dragging Spencer along with him. "Hurry!" Spencer shouted, readjusting his grip, which had slipped.

When Carly turned towards the door, she saw that it was already opened and that the Benson's apartment door was in a similar state. Then she heard the yelling.

"He's gone insane! And I'm not talking Benson insane, I'm talking real person insane! Come get him or we're calling the guys in white coats to pick him up! Come on, lady, your precious little boy is kirking out!" Sam then came stomping out of the Benson's apartment, dragging Mrs. Benson behind her by her wrist. She passed Carly in the hall and entered the Shay's home. Carly's eyes widened in alarm as she trailed after them into her own apartment.

Somehow Freddie had gotten loose from Spencer, and was now again trying to envelope Sam in an embrace. An embrace that Sam was doing her best to avoid.

"Spencer!" Carly shouted. "Why did you let him go?"

Spencer looked bewildered. "He was fine! As soon as you two left he turned into regular Freddie. And then you came back and he was zombie Freddie! I am so confused!" Spencer wailed as he flapped his arms in agitation. Carly gave him a 'don't be a little girl look' then turned her attention to the other three current occupants of the apartment.

Sam was running around, dodging Freddie's pursuit and yelling out obscenities that made Carly wince. Mrs. Benson was following Freddie, clawing at him in an effort to make him stop and shouting about how this wasn't gentlemanly behavior. Carly could make out the repeated phrase 'por favor' coming from Freddie, as if he were pleading with Sam. All the noise was giving Carly a headache.

Sam faked a left then jumped over the sofa, heading up the stairs. Freddie tried to mimic her but tripped on the couch, landing with a thump on the floor. Mrs. Benson followed, landing on top of Freddie and preventing him from getting back up and resuming his chase.

As Mrs. Benson cried and Spencer flailed and Carly tried to soothe, nobody noticed that Freddie had stopped struggling. His cheek was pressed to the floor, the weight of his mother on his back restricting his breathing. "Hey," he croaked, trying to lift himself up.

Mrs. Benson must have noticed his change in movements, because she slowly rolled to the side, allowing him to sit up. "Freddie," she sniffed, trying to hold back her tears of worry. "Are you okay?"

Freddie looked around him in confusion. "Huh?" he said.

A/N 2: I really enjoyed writing the Carly and Sam scene at the beginning. These two need more friendship fics.

A/N 3: I usually wouldn't use a term like "kirking out" (means going crazy, derived from one Capt. Kirk) but I recently heard a police officer refer to a suspect in this way, and if it's good enough for the local cops, it's good enough for this story.


	2. Chapter 2

Disclaimer: Not mine.

A/N: Thanks for all the reviews! You guys are wonderful.

"Mysteries of the Mind"

by: the archduke

"So I was chasing Sam around? Sam Puckett?" Freddie asked for the third time. Carly, Spencer and Mrs. Benson were recounting the tale of his unusual behavior, while Sam remained upstairs locked in Carly's room. She refused to come out until she was sure Freddie wasn't going to jump her. Or until they allowed her to beat him if he did. She could take either option.

"Again, yes, you were after her like, well, like Sam after someone with free food," Carly said, exasperation coloring her voice. "Free ham," she added, just to get her point across.

Freddie's eyes widened in surprise. "That bad?" he said.

Spencer nodded. "You were like Frankenstein. With the arms and everything." Spencer then proceeded to run around the apartment, arms outstretched in an imitation of Freddie/Frankenstein. He added some monster moaning noises for effect. Spencer always prided himself on his excellent storytelling abilities.

"But now you're back to normal, so we can forget this entire horrible episode ever happened," Mrs. Benson said. She hadn't removed her arm from around Freddie since he had gotten up off the floor. She might never let him leave her sight again until he graduates from college. "We'll just have the doctor take a closer look at you at your next monthly physical," she said.

"Monthly?" Carly and Spencer said simultaneously. Freddie just shrugged.

"I guess Sam can come down now. Since it doesn't look like Freddie is going to maul her again," Carly said, eying Freddie up. Freddie enthusiastically nodded his head in agreement.

"Good," she said. "I'll go get her." Carly ran up the stairs to give Sam the all clear.

"Sam," Carly said after she knocked on her own bedroom door. The door opened to show Sam standing with a bowling pin in her hands.

Carly gave a feeble smile. "Wanna come down now?" she said in her most cajoling voice. "Freddie's out of his weird trance, and he feels really bad about what happened." Carly actually didn't know if Freddie felt bad or not. He looked like he was going to puke after they described his behavior towards Sam, and she figured that nobody felt good while puking.

Sam glared at her best friend. "Carly, he had a boner. And I felt it. If he comes near me again I'm bashing in his skull," Sam said in a matter of fact manner while brandishing her bowling pin.

Carly looked shocked. "Freddie had a-" she cut herself off. "And you-" she again couldn't finish her thought. She didn't want to think about that stuff as it related to Sam, Freddie or Sam and Freddie together. It was just too weird.

Sam nodded. "I might bash him anyway, just on principle."

"Sam, he was out of it," Carly rationalized. "Just come downstairs and see for yourself that Freddie is Freddie again. And that all his guy parts are normal. I guess. I didn't look or anything before I came up here. I mean, I never look at Freddie's, or any guy's, stuff. You know, down there. Maybe by accident, but never on purpose." Carly cut off her rambling as Sam gave her a small smirk.

"Never, Shay?" Sam questioned.

"Now you shut it, Puckett," Carly responded, glad that some of the tension had eased. Even if it had come at her expense. "Come on," she said as she pushed Sam ahead of her down the stairs. "And I'll take that, thank you."

Sam half-heartedly tried to get her bowling pin back from Carly, but Carly merely held it out of her reach. "Go," she pointed and Sam slowly walked down the stairs.

Sam stopped on the landing, warily looking at Freddie at the bottom of the steps. "You over your little 'episode' there, Fredward?" she questioned. Freddie raised his head to respond, but his mouth slackened, his body tensed, and he dived at Sam before anyone could stop him.

Sam screamed as Freddie got a hold of her foot, falling backwards and on top of Carly, who also started screaming. Spencer and Mrs. Benson grabbed at Freddie, trying to get him off of Sam. Carly panicked and began hitting Freddie with the bowling pin, hitting his upper arm which made him loosen his grip. Sam scurried away, but not before giving Freddie a good kick in the face and snatching the bowling pin from Carly's grasp. She slammed the door to Carly's room and locked herself in once more.

Carly shuffled back on the landing, away from Freddie, who was now prone under the weight of Mrs. Benson. The door slam seemed to shake him from his trance and he groaned as he again found himself literally smothered by his mother. And he thought being figuratively smothered by her for years had been bad.

"It happened again, didn't it?" he questioned. The weight on his back disappeared and he felt himself being dragged to his feet. His nose ached for some reason. Spencer put a hand on his shoulder. "Yup."

Mrs. Benson was looking from Freddie to the top of the stairs where Sam had disappeared. She looked fearful.

"What was that thing on Sam's ankle?" she shot at Carly. Her voice was shrill and Carly was taken aback by the tone.

"Um, Sam got into a bit of a misunderstanding and she has to wear a GPS monitor for the next couple of months. But, she's totally innocent. Railroaded really." The last part came out weakly, but Carly couldn't bear to have Mrs. Benson think too badly of Sam. She might prevent Freddie from doing iCarly if she thought Sam was a criminal. Which, unfortunately, she was.

"But, those things interfere with-" Mrs. Benson began before she pressed her lips together to prevent any other words from escaping. She had already said too much.

"With what?" Freddie said, confused. "Mom, do you know what's going on?"

A few moments passed in silence and Mrs. Benson refused to open her mouth. Carly, who had left the landing and was now standing beside Freddie, was about to ask Mrs. Benson the question again, when Spencer let out a gasp.

"The chip! The chip in his head!" he shouted as he pointed at Freddie and jumped up and down.

**A/N: **I just thought of an awesome (IMO) scene for chapter 3, so I have to rethink it. But hopefully it'll be worth it.


	3. Chapter 3

Disclaimer: Not mine.

A/N: So I just found out the majority of the people at my job watch iCarly. We are talking about people way out of the desired age demo. My boss was like "so how did the blond haired girl get a twin?" and I was like "dunno." Cool, but weird.

"Mysteries of the Mind"

by: the archduke

"Spencer! You promised never to tell him!" Mrs. Benson admonished. She turned to Freddie. "It was for your own good! I love you so much! I couldn't bare for anything to happen to you!" she pleaded as she clutched him to her bosom. Freddie stood there and let her words sink in.

"There's a chip in my head? And you put it in there?" He wrestled away from his mother and looked at her with increasing alarm. "What did you do, perform brain surgery in the kitchen? This is unbelievable! You've done some weird things, Mom, and I've mostly gone along with them, but this is - gaahhh!" By this point he was gesturing wildly with his arms, his body language and inability to form words an outward exhibition of his inner agitation.

"Freddie, please calm down," she began, but stopped at the look on Freddie's face. She sighed. That was his stubborn face. There was no reasoning with him when he got that look. "No, a very nice, morally flexible doctor in Venezuela implanted it. It's been working wonderfully for 15 years. That's how we found you when those unprincipled Japanese children kidnapped you. But the doctor did say that interference with other signals may occur."

"Fifteen years!" Freddie shouted. "That's practically my entire life! You turned me into some sort of, of, robot!" he stuttered.

"Cyborg," Spencer said without thinking. Freddie, Mrs. Benson and Carly turned to him. He decided to clarify. "Freddie's a cyborg. He's made of both organic and inorganic materials. A robot is only inorganic." He noticed their disbelieving stares and became defensive. "Just for clarification."

Carly shook her head at her older brother. "Thanks for the info, Mr. Wizard. But can you please try and stay on topic."

"But he started it," Spencer said while pointing a finger at Freddie. Carly glared.

"Fine," Spencer sighed as he slumped towards the kitchen. "I'll go make spaghetti tacos. I think we all could use some comfort food. Is that okay with you, Carly, or is that not 'on topic'?" Carly just stood there with her arms crossed and Spencer got the message. Carly meant business. He proceeded to the kitchen in silence.

Freddie started pacing around the living room, trying to mentally process his situation. He had a chip in his head. A tracking chip, if his mom was to be believed, but he had a very hard time trusting anything she said at the moment. Sam's ankle monitor made the chip go haywire, which in turn made his brain go haywire and go after Sam. He was lucky he still had all his limbs. In theory, anything could have set off the chip all these years, and he was just fortunate nothing like this had happened before. And it wasn't going to happen again.

He turned to his mother. "This chip is coming out of my head," he commanded. "I'm going to get a full body scan to make sure there aren't any other surprises embedded in me, and then the doctor will take out anything that shouldn't be in there. Are we clear?" There was no room for argument in his voice.

Carly and Mrs. Benson just stared at Freddie, a bit amazed at his forcefulness. Both were impressed by this little-seen side of him. Then Mrs. Benson winced, as if she were remembering something unpleasant.

She began wringing her hands, and gave Freddie an apologetic look. "Sweetie, I promise you there are no other chips in your body. Just that one in your head." Freddie's raised eyebrow displayed his doubts.

"And," Mrs. Benson continued, "well, certain federal regulations may have been . . . disregarded when I went to Venezuela for the chip, and the legality of it may be in question. So we might want to keep the authorities out of this."

Freddie raised his hands in exasperation. "Great! Not only do I have a chip in my head, but it's an illegal chip. What's next? Will some sketchy Venezuelan show up one day, trying to repossess this thing because the check you gave him bounced?" he said mockingly.

"Of course not, dear. I paid in cash." Freddie gave an inarticulate groan and Mrs. Benson quickly realized her method of payment was not the most important issue at the moment.

Carly chose then to clear her throat. When both Bensons ignored her she did it again, but louder. A third time, accompanied with a hacking cough, finally got their attention.

"I hate to interrupt, and I'm not just saying that, because I _really_ don't want to get involved with this, but we have iCarly tonight. And I don't think we can do it if Freddie is going to act all weird around Sam. Though I guess we can call it a new segment: Random Groping?" Carly was hoping a joke would lighten the tense atmosphere in the loft. By the stone cold looks the Bensons were giving her, it didn't work.

After a moment of silence, they all heard a door open. A voice came from upstairs. "I smell deliciousness. Carly, bring me food. Nub, don't come anywhere near me if you want to keep all your teeth. That is all." The sound of a door slamming effectively ended the one-sided conversation.

Carly sighed. It seemed the situation had made Sam more difficult than usual. "Spencer," she called over to the kitchen, "did you hear that? Her Majesty is hungry," she said dryly.

"I hear everything," Spencer said mysteriously. "And I have a plan." He gave them an enigmatic smile. Which dropped when all he got back were confused faces. He clarified. "For tonight. I have a plan so you guys can do iCarly tonight. Just give me two hours." And with that he bounded to his room, leaving Carly to finish the spaghetti tacos.

* * *

"We could stick his head in the microwave. It killed his watch when I microwaved it that one time. It should take out that chip." Sam had been fed and was now in a much better mood than she had been in earlier. When Carly had told her the cause of Freddie's strange behavior, Sam had laughed and said she wasn't really surprised, considering his mother. The two girls had been up in Carly's room for over two hours, waiting for Spencer to unveil his answer to their iCarly problem while they thought of their own solutions. They had not yet had any success.

"Sure, it'll kill the chip. And him. Anyway, you can't turn the microwave on unless the door is closed. How are you going to get that to happen? Chop off his head?" Carly asked.

Sam shrugged. "It would solve our problem." Despite Sam's cavalier attitude about Freddie's death, Carly knew Sam wasn't serious. Probably.

The two girls continued to ponder the strange circumstances they had inadvertently found themselves in, when they heard a shout from downstairs. Spencer was ready with his top secret project.

Sam refused to go downstairs if Freddie was present, so Carly went by herself. As she made her way down the first flight of stairs, she stopped at the sound of Mrs. Benson.

"What have you done to my baby!" she shrilled.

Carly let out a long sigh. This was not going to be fun.

After steeling herself for what she was about to encounter, Carly continued down the stairs until she could see the living room. In the middle of the room stood Freddie, or someone who she supposed was Freddie. She couldn't exactly be sure due to the enormous metal bubble encapsulating his head.

Spencer was trying to calm a frantic Mrs. Benson. "Don't worry I made eye and air holes. So he can see _and _breathe. So really, you have no reason to worry, Mrs. Benson. Risk of suffocation is very minimal." Judging by Mrs. Benson's bulging eyes, Spencer's attempts were not going well.

"Spencer," Carly said. She pointed at Freddie. "What?" She didn't feel a need to elaborate.

Spencer rubbed his hands together, as if he had just been dying for someone to ask him that exact question. "You see, Carly," he began in a professorial tone, "I have constructed what I like to call a Chip-In-Head Disruptor. Patent pending. So don't get any ideas." He gave Carly and Mrs. Benson a distrustful look.

"Anyway," he continued, "I figured we've got to somehow block Sam's signal from interfering with Freddie's. So I took one of my old-timey diver's helmets-" Carly interrupted. "You have more than one?"

Spencer ignored her. "And covered it with various types of metals. Sheets of metal, different wires woven together, that sort of stuff. I figured one or more of them will block the signal, therefore enabling Freddie to do his tech producer thing tonight." Spencer rapped against the helmet, making Freddie jump.

"What!," Freddie shouted, his voice severely muffled. "What's going on? Who's there?" Freddie began to flail, blindly waving his arms around trying to get a bearing on his surroundings. As he continued to flail and shout, he bumped into one of the stools around the breakfast bar and fell with a thump. Mrs. Benson immediately rushed to his side.

Carly shook her head at Spencer. "He can't see or hear anything, can he?" she questioned.

"I put in eye holes," Spencer said defensively. "I just didn't want to make them too big, because otherwise some sneaky Sam signal could make its way to his brain. And the metal covering the helmet ended up being pretty thick, so it's possible his hearing is a bit impaired."

They could hear Mrs. Benson screaming at Freddie, asking him if he was okay and him responding that no, he did not want to watch any hockey.

"Just a bit impaired?" she asked. Spencer grinned bashfully and shrugged. His grin then turned excited. "Let's get Sam down here and try it out."

**A/N**: Mr. Wizard! Carly probably has no idea who that is, but I loved that show as a kid.

**A/N 2**: This chapter was originally going to be longer, but I decided this was a good place to stop. The next chapter will definitely have some Sam/Freddie interaction. Of the romantic kind.


	4. Chapter 4

Disclaimer: not mine

**A/N:** yeah, I'm horrible at updating. sorry.

"Mysteries of the Mind"

by: the archduke

It took forty minutes, two packs of bacon and a tough negotiation to get Sam downstairs. They came to the agreement that if Freddie touched her in any way, Sam had permission to hit him either twice anywhere on his torso or once from the neck up. Carly considered it quite the accomplishment that she had managed to get Sam to drop her insistence on emasculating him if Freddie got out of line. Freddie might still end up with a concussion or internal bleeding, but at least he'd still be a dude.

Sam, having learned from her previous encounter with Freddie, refused to relinquish her bowling pin, and made sure to keep Carly in front of her as a human shield as she made her way down the steps. As they reached the ground floor, Sam peeked over Carly's shoulder and promptly burst out laughing, dropping her pin in the process.

While still behind Carly, she pointed at Freddie and said, "What in the hell happened to the dork? Sure, it's an improvement on his looks, but he can't even hold his head up!" Sam clutched her stomach as she doubled over in laughter.

Carly couldn't really fault Sam for laughing. Freddie looked ridiculous. His neck must have gotten tired of holding up all the extra weight on his head, because he was sitting on a stool with his head awkwardly on the breakfast bar. It did not look comfortable.

Freddie tried to lift his head, but all he ended up doing was redistributing the weight so that he ended up falling off the stool and onto the floor. Sam's laughter was renewed as Mrs. Benson helped Freddie off the floor.

"He can't even stand up by himself! Why aren't we taping this?" Sam asked in between gasps of laughter.

"Because we are Freddie's friends and he does not need a permanent reminder of this unfortunate episode," Carly responded. For a brief moment she did think that this would be hilarious on iCarly, but she pushed that thought away. Freddie had enough troubles to deal with.

As Sam got herself under control, Spencer put his arm around Freddie's shoulders, which made the boy jump in surprise. Spencer patted him on the back. "Just me, Freddo," he shouted. Freddie nodded, having given up on talking while in the metal bubble, and promptly lost his balance. Spencer steadied him, then turned to Sam.

"See, I told you it would work," Spencer said in triumph. "Freddie's here, you're here, and no craziness. My Chip-in-Head Disruptor is a success!" Spencer pumped his fist in the air, knocking Freddie off balance and sending him to the floor once more.

"Yeah, real nice work, Spence," Sam said as she inched her way towards Freddie as Mrs. Benson once again helped Freddie off the floor. "But why didn't you just wrap up my foot in all that jank stuff?" Sam tapped on Freddie's head as he stood, laughing as he tipped over and Mrs. Benson had to steady him. Mrs. Benson gave Sam a glare, which Sam ignored.

Spencer looked flustered as he processed what Sam had just said, when Sam continued. "It would be so awesome to have a metal foot! Think of the damage I could do!"

Spencer and Carly looked at each other in fear. "And that is why you don't get a metal foot," Carly said, while Spencer nodded, silent and wide eyed. There were some things that just shouldn't even be considered.

Sam was about to argue when a movement caught her attention. While she was debating the merits of a metal foot, Freddie had gotten onto his feet and had migrated over to where she was standing. She turned around, only to look down to find Freddie, on one knee, with both hands over his heart.

Carly, Spencer and Mrs. Benson watched with bated breath as Sam tilted her head in confusion when Freddie tipped his metal head up to her. Remarkably, he kept his balance. His loud, though muffled, voice carried to everyone in the room.

"Mi corazon," he said, with a perfect Spanish accent and so much feeling Mrs. Benson gasped. Freddie was becoming a man right before her eyes. And with dismay, she realized Sam Puckett was involved in the process.

Sam turned to the three onlookers. "Did he just call me a calzone?"

Carly answered. "No, he said 'mi corazon.' It means 'my heart' in Spanish. Which is super cute, if you don't mind me saying."

Sam lowered her brows. "I do mind. I liked calzone better." Sam turned back to Freddie. "This is a new type of crazy, isn't it?"

Carly sighed. Of course Sam would rather be called a cheese-stuffed turnover.

At that moment, something strange occurred. Spencer would later swear he could feel the electric energy in the room at it happened. Freddie shot up off his knee and stood before a leery Sam and clapped his hands twice. Suddenly, the radio came on, the sounds of a sultry tune filling the air. Freddie grabbed a stunned Sam around the waist with one arm, while his other hand held onto hers and lifted it into the air. He then moved his feet, leading Sam into a tango.

Sam struggled against Freddie for a few seconds, but when it was clear Freddie would do nothing more than dance with her, she relaxed and let him maneuver her around the room.

Sam and Freddie were pressed chest to chest, their bodies in perfect synch with each other. They moved gracefully, which was remarkable considering Freddie's head was encased in a few inches of metal and Sam loudly proclaimed her disdain for the boy every chance she got.

As the duo floated past a slack jawed Mrs. Benson, a bewildered Spencer, and a nonplussed Carly, Spencer turned to his sister.

"Why is Sam not pummeling Freddie?," he asked. "How is he keeping his balance dancing around, when he couldn't even stand straight without help? How did that radio just switch on?" Spencer's expression turned fearful. "Does Freddie have . . . powers?" he whispered.

Mrs. Benson leaned around Spencer to also talk to Carly. "Not that I want my Freddie to be pummeled, but yes, this is all very curious," she said as she gestured to the dancing duo.

Carly raised her hands in the universal gesture for 'I have no freakin' clue.' "How am I supposed to know? This whole day has been so weird, what with chips in heads, and multiple freak outs, and magic radios, and threats against Freddie's life, which, to be honest, isn't that unusual when Sam's involved. But at this point, I give up." Carly's shoulders slumped in defeat. "Just let them dance or kill each other or make out, whatever. I don't care anymore. I'm gonna go take a bath. And then a shower. It's been that sort of day." With that, Carly trudged upstairs, planning to drown her sorrows. Literally.

Spencer and Mrs. Benson were left to watch as Sam and Freddie continued to dance around the room. Freddie twirled Sam at intervals and Sam at one point was wrapped around Freddie like a vine as he held on to the back of her upper thigh. Mrs. Benson wanted desperately to get her camera to document this momentous moment in Freddie's dealings with the opposite sex, even if it was with Sam, but she didn't think she should leave them alone together. She considered Spencer an inadequate chaperon, and with the lack of daylight between the two teens as they danced, a chaperon was definitely needed.

As the song came to an end, Sam and Freddie were by the front door. Freddie dipped Sam, and as she was bent back she reached over and turned the door knob, opening it when Freddie brought her out of the dip. There was a whirlwind of movement and with the closing chords of the song, Sam slammed the front door, with Freddie somehow on the outside. She locked the door and leaned her back against it, her breathing ragged. She rested her head on the door, eyes closed as she tried to catch her breath.

The two adults merely watched as Sam got herself under control, wiping the light sheen of sweat off her forehead as she pushed away from the door. She quickly glanced back, a look of almost longing flickering over her face, before she pulled her cell phone out of her pocket, pressed a few buttons, and put the phone to her ear.

"Yeah, Mom? It's me." A pause. "Sam." Another pause. "You gave birth to me, remember?" Third pause. "No, the other one. Whatever. Listen, what's the number for that doctor Aunt Maggie used to be married to? No, not that one, the shady one. No, the guy with the mustache. Yeah, him." Sam grabbed a pen off a side table and scribbled on her hand. "Got it. Thanks. Later." She hung up the phone and stuck her hand in Mrs. Benson's face. "Call this dude. If anyone can fix Freddie, it'll be him."

Mrs. Benson looked doubtful and Sam's attempt at reassurance didn't help. "Don't freak. He's great. He's the guy my Uncle Carmine goes to when things go bad."

**A/N2: **Sam's motivations will be dealt with in a couple chapters. next chapter (whenever I write it) will deal with the doctor, who I think will be very fun.


End file.
